she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Panties = found
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
