where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
