My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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