listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
