so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
