Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
