If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
