i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize