I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
