Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize