My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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