Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
