i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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