and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
