Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
