I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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