dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
