i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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