He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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