hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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