I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
