I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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