filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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