Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
