Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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