Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
