i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
