You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
