Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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