TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
