but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
