You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
