If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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