I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
