his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
