what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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