Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
