i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
