believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
