were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's get the cat blown out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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