True but thats because hes a fetus.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
