Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
