youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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