Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
