I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
