My room smells like vodka and shame
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
