It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
