I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
