So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
