i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
