I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
