Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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