Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
