i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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