you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize