Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I understand Curling. That high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
