so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
