You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
