would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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