lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
