just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Still dying that you shit outside
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
