i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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