fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
