i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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