I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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