I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
