from now on my penis is your penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I currently don't understand fingers.
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