I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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