u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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